SEPTEMBER 2010 Newsletter Content
A Common Relationship Challenge
Questioner: My husband and I have been married sixteen years, and he is not at all interested in spiritual things. And I feel that my attitude about that is affecting my progress, and driving a wedge between us.
Kim Eng: Yes, it does affect your progress. So you have a desire, and an idea, that your husband should perhaps enjoy the same things as you do. So regardless of whether he is spiritual or not – because somebody can be so-called "spiritual" and have never seeked in his life. We all are spiritual – that is our being. That's our being-ness. That's who we are first most. So your idea, what is your idea, and your desire? That your husband should communicate in the same sort of words as you?
Questioner: That he would like to listen to Eckhart, and read the same books, and talk about it…and he has no desire to do that. He did listen to a clip on Youtube... but he doesn't talk about it, he is not at all interested in talking about God, he said, "if there's a God, great, if there's not, then great. I have no interest."
KE: Okay, let's turn it to him for just a second here. What makes you see in him that he is spiritual, without having to talk about it [with him]? What is it that you see in him that is spiritual? What is it that he may show, or do, or even something that he says, or communes with, that is spiritual?
Questioner: Well, a couple things. One is that he is very supportive of me. No matter what I want to do, it's fine. He has no criticisms.
KE: So he accepts you, as you are? But you don't accept him, as he is.
Questioner: I struggle with that.
KE: So it's not about him. It's about you, and your path. You are shedding your ideas and desires, and you begin to then live with the essence of who he is, accepting and allowing him to be as he is. But most importantly, before you can even do that, you then need to accept and allow yourself to be who you are. Be the space.
Many people have asked me, and they go "Wow, you must have a great relationship with Eckhart – you must talk about spiritual things all the time!" And I say, no, actually, we hardly ever talk about it. What is there to talk about, being spiritual? That's talk, form. The most important thing is to be the stillness, be the space, and then see what emerges. It's not that we don't talk about it, but we don't talk about it all the time. And when it's necessary, it comes up, it's there. When it's time to make dinner, it's there. When it's time to talk about other things, it's there.
The relationship that we have with the form of this moment includes your relationship with Stillness, as primary importance. That's the primary relationship. So then, our loving partners, our husbands, our wives, it's just a secondary sort of factor. The true marriage is the marriage within. To the God within, to Stillness. That's the true union. And when you come into that union with yourself, then you see the union that is just right there in front of you – husband, wife, child, animal, stranger – their essence.
Take a look at all the desires that you have, the expectations, the ideas, of what you think may be the "perfect relationship" and you will see that the only relationship you are having is with an idea in your head. Instead of the being that is right there in front of you.
I went twenty five years before discovering Eckhart's teachings and I am grateful it was not a year longer. I now refer to the different times in my life as "Pre-Eckhart" and "Post-Eckhart". Before, the only sanity I could find in life was while I was in the heat of the moment creating my art.
The end of high school left me at a loss for direction. Lucky for me my dad owns his own business and offered me a job. At first it was a bumpy road. Our job is extremely creative and we began bumping heads or should I say, bumping pain bodies. Every six months or so, we would have to take a break from each other. It was never anything major, just egos doing the dance they do so well. My love for my father and the job kept pulling me back. I would have laughed had you told me seven years later it would be a possibility that we could "cure" our issues with one book.
My Pre- Eckhart self greatly over looked the power of thoughts, and that our thoughts are who we become, and neither one of us had any control over them. Then I discovered the audio book of A New Earth just sitting in my room un-opened. They had been gifted to my boyfriend and left to sit still in the wrapper, for about a year. Out of curiosity one day about eight months ago, while was alone, I popped the first disc in, lay on my bed and closed my eyes. My life will never be the same.
Somehow, Eckhart managed to help me more in those CDs than anyone or thing in my whole life. I can't imagine where I would be had I not heard his voice that day. It's like all I needed was someone to tell me what was wrong with me, or rather that nothing was "wrong" besides this evil entity that only existed because I fed it everyday. The drive to make myself better was already there. But no one had been able to effectively tell me how to go about it.
After listening to the audio book, my Dad went and bought The Power of Now. I am happy to report that we have had not one battle since. In fact, the business is blossoming and affecting all around us. I am happier then I have ever been in my life and now see my problems as opportunities to practice all I have learned. I am eternally grateful for the information I found through Eckhart and can now find "the heat" in all of the moments, not just when I create.
"No matter what your body's appearance is on the outer level, beyond the outer form it is an intensely alive energy field. If you are not familiar with “inner body” awareness, close your eyes for a moment and find out if there is life inside your hands. Body awareness not only anchors you in the present moment; it is a doorway out of the prison that is the ego."
"Death enters your life as the awareness of your own mortality. When you see and accept the impermanent nature of all life forms, a sense of peace comes upon you."
"When you listen to the voice in your head, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. You'll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind."
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